Up The Beach

What the world needs in these troubled times, I feel, is more of my rather inferior picture galleries.

Lucky, then, that I've been out to Brighton today for a trip to the seaside. Thanks to a tip-off from Toblarina, I bought my ticket for an earth shattering ONE POUND AND FIFTY PEE in the Southern Trains 90% off sale. So not only was it a lovely day out, but a bargain to boot. Hurrah!

From the train station I headed down through the Laines for a stroll along the prom. Did you know that Brighton Pier first opened in 1899? Well here is my artistic impression of what it might have looked like back in the olden days.



There is absolutely no truth in the rumour that I mucked about with the colour of this picture because it was massively over exposed, and I resent any implications otherwise.

So now, WELCOME, and please join me along my picturesque guided tour ...



This is the Turbo, which I absolutely DID NOT go for a ride on. As far as I'm concerned, rollercoasters are for looking at, not boarding. And I have to say this was substantially less impressive than the Cyclone, which you may remember from my Coney Island Image gallery.



Obligatory seagull ...



I went on this Horror Hotel ghost ride last year when we went to Brighton for Posh Paul's birthday. It is unutterably poor.



But we somehow failed to notice that spooky monsters appear from the windows and look down at you while you're standing outside - STOP, YOU'RE SCARING ME!



SCREAM !!!!



I didn't go on this contraption either. Who on earth would, I beseech you?



A much more sedate form of entertainment. Sadly I was refused admission.



So after stopping off at the amusements and winning £2.10 on a friendly slot machine, I headed back up towards town to admire the view.



Across the street I beheld this waterless fountain. "What's the point?" you might wonder, and I'm afraid I can't tell you, but the old giffers will sit and look at this for hours.



Beautiful Pavilion with annoying people spoiling my fabulous picture.



And finally my favourite exhibit from the Brighton Museum, which is in the grounds of the Pavilion.



There is a small section devoted to dirty weekends in Brighton, and this advertiser boasts, "TITS AND TACKLE - ALL IN ONE - TWICE THE FUN." She also claims to be an 'O & A Expert' and I confess I have no idea what this refers to. Oral and Anal?

Answers on a mucky postcard.