Drowning in Munich

Well I had quite an adventure in Munchen, thanks for asking, though unfortunately not all of it good. For a start off my plane was dramatically CANCELLED, meaning I had to catch one a full 2 HOURS later that was going via GENEVA. I have never considered visiting Switzerland in my lifetime, and who knew I was going to wind up there on Friday? Still, it’s a very nice airport to spend an hour and I love how these places live up to their stereotype - the retail area is veritable cornucopia of watches, chocolate and a few cheeses. Sadly no snowstorms of the Alps were available.

So finally I got a connection and made it to Munich. Checked into my hotel just ONE HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES before the Big Art Group’s show was due to start - FULL STRESS MODE had now been achieved with sweat springing out of my face at great speed. I must have looked like that old Spitting Image puppet of Gazza when he was crying.

CALM DOWN, I told myself. 45 mins to have a shower and apply fresh make-up, I can still easily make it. So ... I had just finished applying a perfect line of liquid eye liner when CRACK BANG PSSHHHHHTTTTT – a thunder storm from hell proceeded.

Went outside to face a TORRENTIAL downpour with blinding lightning flashes but thankfully before I got too drenched I came across a fantastic taxi driver, he took me RIGHT TO THE DOOR of the venue even though it’s forbidden to drive that close and security where banging on the windows and shouting rude words at him in German. Ha ha - what a star!

So anyway now, GOOD STUFF, GOOD STUFF, GOOD STUFF – The Big Art Group’s show was AMAZING! The audience is basically contained in the centre of a huge installation – there’s action happening on stage and giant projections on all four walls of the room.

A group of crazy people in fishnet masks and mad wigs act out a story with some of the stuff being projected in real time onto the screens. From raised pillars on either side of the stage Nath-Ann Carrera and another guy go-go dance and get to wear the fiercest outfits – shorts and tops made entirely from mirrors that beam points of light out across the crowd; also dog masks and beautiful capes in purple and gold with big gold pointy cod-pieces.

I didn’t really pay too much attention to following the storyline, I was too busy enjoying the spectacle. It’s about a girl called Alice, played by the fabulous Theo Kogan, ex of Lunachicks, who is living out her dreams of becoming a star, Justin Bond is kind of her accomplice. They sing songs at centre stage and the drama kind of circulates around them.

Along the way there is some stuff about fisting and video projections of a hairy drag queen shoving his hands deep down between his thighs and bringing them out covered in what one can only hope is chocolate; confetti falls down from the sky, there’s loud music, bright lights and a great feeling of being uplifted. No sooner had the show finished when I wanted to see it again as there was so much to take in that you couldn’t possibly digest it all in one sitting.

Afterwards Justin introduced me to some of the very friendly cast and sat around chatting and drinking. I’d like to fill you in on the conversation but I was drinking Wild Turkey on an empty stomach so the finer points of the later evening are lost. I think Justin decided to write my obituary or something, anyway, we had a cool evening - it was a laugh!

Next day I took a trip to the town centre – Marienplatz – to check out the sights. Saw some nice fountains and waterfalls (they seem to like them there) and some v. poor drag queens on a stage they had erected for Munich Pride. Beer Gardens EVERYWHERE, I’ve never seen so much of the stuff. These people must be permanently sozzled, perhaps it’s a response to the weather as about 2 hours in it once again started pissing down and I felt so ill and wretched and I just wanted to be made to feel happy.

I went and joined Justin and Nath-Ann for lunch because I thought the only thing that would cheer me up was to see that beautiful face. The magic of Munich just wasn’t happening, I didn’t see much of the town but what I did see didn’t really inspire me. We went for a walk along the river which was nice but by then I was unfeasibly tired.

We were all booked onto the same flight back, which thankfully passed without incident, and I was so glad to be back in London. Justin said it might have been the last the Big Art Group perform that particular show and it was magnificent so I’m really glad I made the trip in time to see it but really, airline shenanigans and vicious weather – BOO!!

It wasn’t quite the dream weekend I had expected.