Right Nasty the SHOWGIRL

Well I’m pleased to say I passed my month-long audition and have now been installed as the permanent DJ and technical engineer at VauxhallVille, the spit and sawdust cabaret spectacular that takes place at Vauxhall Tavern every Thursday.

Last week we held a tribute to Madonna. I can’t say I’m her biggest fan, but she has cranked out a few good tunes, I suppose. I decided I should make an effort to fit in with the theme so decked myself out as American Life Madonna. This allowed me to purchase a cheap army top from Peacocks and try out the tie beneath-your-shirt look. I was rather impressed with myself.

The evening started with a barber shop quartet singing Madonna classics and some badly behaved Bearlesque bears doing Like a Prayer.

Later we had In Bed With Timberlina where members of the audience were invited up on stage to do sex poses. It turned out that most of our punters were a bit shy so, given my burgeoning reputation as a show off, I decided I had better help out. It was here, gentle reader, that I found myself riding a bearded drag’s face as he fondled my breasts and a roaring crowd cheered us on. I don’t know if I made her pregnant but the photographs will make a nice present for my mum.

Later on there was Ciccone-eoke and I made the huge mistake of volunteering an extremely drunk Joan Diary Queen as a contestant. He refused to sing, dismissed Madonna as a boring midget and generally sustained his image as a walking nightmare. Frighteningly, the other contestant appeared to be even more drunk, but he still managed to win hands down.

This week we are having a Moulin Rouge night and in the weeks to come there’s a Love Bites preview to Valentines, then Nicholas Immaculate will be bringing in his Singer to run off a few frocks for Fashion Week. Come on down!

We can’t promise you a West End-style slick production, but as The Flintstones once sang, you’ll have a gay old time!