Things That Make You Go Hmmm

You might think that living a hedonistic life free from all major responsibilities is easy, but it’s actually a lot more stressful than it sounds. For example, what do you think are the chances of your glamorous friends from Tom Tom Club and your glamorous friend Taylor Mac both coming to London and playing gigs at exactly the same time?

Well, I’ll tell you … the chances are extremely high. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, to be exact, and this week I have barely been able to think straight as I’ve been tossing from side to side, torn and wracked with indecision as to which of them to show the greatest loyalty.

In the end I’ve opted for Taylor – which ever choice I made would always feel half right and half pure betrayal - so I’ve had to factor in the cost and the fact that Tom Tom Club are on a triple bill with Ladyhawke and Keane. What lunatic thought of that horrendous line-up, I wonder? It’s ridiculous!

Taylor, meanwhile, is playing at the Udderbelly. A big upside-down-purple-cow shaped theatre at the Southbank. Taylor in the belly of a cow? You’ve got to really, haven’t you? And it gave me the chance to try out posh members-only booking with my brand new snob card for the Southbank. Yes, I finally gave in and became a member, they knew exactly how to trick me – Justin Bond is playing there in May and can you imagine if *certain people* (ie. Gerald) got advance booking and better tickets? I’d go ruddy MENTAL !!!!

I’m already doing my nut because I’ve only got row G for Our Lady J, who plays Purcell Room on May 2nd. This isn’t because of membership, but they’re holding back all the best seats for some unknown reason and I am FURIOUS. *ME* in *ROW G*? It’s unheard of and it just won’t do. I have been bleating into the ear of a long-suffering promoter friend and I am determined to find my way into the front row. I’m perfectly happy to kill.

I am also in a quandary over 28 March – Jonathan Richman or Squeezebox at the Bummers and Muff Divers’ Film Festival? It’s going to have to be Squeezebox. I read about this film ages ago and have been Googling it constantly. It’s all about the club of the same name in New York where drag queens dropped the traditional lip synching formula in favour of singing rock n roll. There are clips of Jayne County, Joey Arias, Debbie Harry, Lady Bunny, Justin … It’s also co-directed by that nice Sean Pierce who I met briefly at the Big Art Group show in Munich. Can’t wait !!

But event bookers, please, have a heart and think of the elderly - no more multiple bookings … *thumps chest* … my poor ticker can’t take much more.