Bow Down Mister

Despite my years of service to gay culture, until last night I had never seen Boy George perform (except with Antony and that doesn't count).

The occasion was Ray Of Light, an annual charity event for Macmillan Cancer Relief held at Crash. The two rooms were split into separate camps for the evening - Popstarz in the main room for the youngsters, and Marvellous in the other for the oldies. You could spot the difference thus - in the over 30s room people move aside when you try to get past. In the play pen they just stand in your fucking way cos they think that makes them hard. Young people - tut!

Anyway, I digress ... George's three song set was a definite high point. He was flanked by two cute dancers and seemed to be having a rare old time. He was smiley and looking healthy. I'm so glad he's stopped painting his chin black. There was a pronounced reggae vibe to the show, but it was 2 o clock in the morning so don't expect me to remember too much. I know one of the songs was about rent boys, but that's about it.

He was dressed from head to foot in clothing from his B Rude collection. I would kill to own his black jacket with enormous silver safety pins made from sequins. In fact, Stephen Art East and I are in a battle to see which of us can acquire a tie with the same motif. Maybe I should try and use a little influence, I like to brag that I know George's co-designer, the very charming Mike Nicholls who also made the Kiki and Herb movie.

I heard a story about Joan Dairy Queen and Dusty O having a back stage spat about who got to do the introduction. Ha, squabbling drag queens, I'd have loved to witness that! In the end Joan won, but Dusty went up to close the show.

Afterwards I retired to the Marvellous room for some dancing to the tunes of DJ Jonny Slut. Once again he tried to get me to touch his cock. The boy is a liability! In the time I have known him he has, on various occasions, grabbed my arse, grabbed my vagina, kicked me out of the raised DJ booth at Sub Station, stuck his tongue down my throat and forced my hand down his pants.

I once punched him because he spanked me and he cried like a big babba. Just as well he's adorable or I'd kill the cunt! So glad I don't have normal friends.