Turning Japanese

I’ve been reading about a big wank-a-thon that’s going to be taking place in London at the end of July. Fantastic! But then again, ew! Imagine all those dirty old men doubled over their fists with sweaty beads of determination pouring down their faces.

There’s going to be a prize for the person who has the most orgasms and also for the one who whacks off for longest. Apparently the record is 8 and a half hours which is pretty impressive. I wouldn’t last that long myself, tantric’s not for me. I’m a bit of a wham-bam-thank-you-mam bean flicker. I’m not a bad lay but I never call myself afterwards.

I should mention that the whole she-bang (geddit?) will be the subject of a documentary for channel 4. No surprise that moral rights campigners are trying to get it banned. I don’t see what the problem is, it’s not like they’re interfering with anyone else, only themselves. Get over it!

The event is for charity and open to UK residents and “travelling masturbators” – hilarious! Sign up here.