Hell Is Other People

It's rumoured that David Byrne (ex-Talking Heads) has a small paper sign stuck on the door of his studio that reads: "Do not enter my personal space, you are not welcome since your presence interferes with my lifestyle and gives me a headache." I get the feeling that the two of us would get along just fine.

It’s not the first time it’s seemed that David and I have shared experiences. In fact it’s through him, via Tina Weymouth, that I made some life changing discoveries that made it easier for me to interact with the world.

Since I started doing this DJ thing a few friends have commented that they wish they had my "nerve" and that they are too shy to do stuff like that. I say it's weird because up until about 5 years ago I felt that way too.

I was incredibly reserved as a child, on my first day at nursery school I apparently didn’t speak a word, even to tell the teachers my name. Throughout my school career my report card would be littered with “must speak more in class” remarks, but I was still getting reasonable grades and to this day don’t really see what the problem was.

I often let "shyness" stop me from doing things I wanted to do throughout my twenties and into my mid-30s. It was then I started to get a bit annoyed with myself and think that I should force my way through that mental barrier if there was something I particularly wanted to do.

I huge breakthrough came the day I decided what I really wanted to do was go and interview the Tom Tom Club for the HMV website, where I was working at the time.

Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz had been heroes of mine forever, so when this chance came along I simply couldn't bottle it. I felt sick with nerves and don't think I could even eat anything before I left the house to meet them.

As it turned out the interview was a breeze because Tina loves to talk like there's no tomorrow. By the end my nerves had vanished completely and we were chatting like we were old friends.

After the tape recorder had been turned off Tina became less guarded. The subject of David Byrne came up and she talked about how she had problems communicating with him. She said he was withdrawn, introverted and had an obsessive side to his personality. He was often unable to express himself verbally and so that's why he would write things down.

As she was talking I became more and more aware that the person she was describing could easily be. When she concluded that she considered him to be a high functioning autistic, a phrase I had never heard before, I went home and started doing some research.

Immediately things started to fall into place, not just the shyness thing but other aspects of the condition - the fact that I dislike physical contact with people I’m not familiar with; I don’t “think on my feet” very quickly; I can only remember things if they interest me; I don’t always verbalise well; I get obsessed with certain topics or people; I can’t be bothered with small talk and literally do not understand why I’m expected to chat with someone just because we happen to be in the same room.

Then I had a flashback, when I was about 14 I remember my mother telling one of her friends that the doctor had said I was autistic as a baby but she’d taken no notice. As an insecure teenager that felt like such a slap in the face and I remember running away in tears, hurt that she could say something so horrible about me.

Now I felt annoyed that she had taken no notice, because once I had a framework of what my “problem” was, I could find a way to deal with it. Not that I consider high functioning autism, or it’s neighbouring condition Asperger’s Syndrome, to be a disability - more just a different way of looking at the world.

We are forced from birth to be “sociable” and engage constantly with other people. But some of us simply can’t behave that way. High functioning autistics can be seen as aloof, anti-social or living in a dream world. This can happen more frequently when we are suffering from sensory overload – ie. when we are surrounded by other people. I find it extremely difficult to be around people 24 hours a day, this makes working in an office stressful as there is always somebody within earshot and within my field of vision and I require solitude like I need to be able to breath. Put me in an open-plan situation and I close down almost completely, I feel uncomfortable and very rarely speak.

A lot of this stuff is never going to go away, but I wanted to make more friends so I decided to work on the shyness and set about it one bit at a time. I attempted to make more eye contact when I was out socially. Where previously I would avoid talking to people because I didn’t know what to say, I soon learned if you just smile and say “hi” it tricks people into thinking you’re a nice person and eventually leads to a mutually beneficial exchange. Soon my social circle grew and my social life was blooming, my confidence grew enormously. Now, while I still don’t like to be the centre of attention, I rarely give shyness a second thought.

I still get nervous about some things but find the best thing is not to worry. If I’m booked for a gig I plan things vaguely but not meticulously and have learned to use adrenaline to my advantage. There’s really not that much to be scared of and the thrill of overcoming your obstacles far outweighs the terror of coming face to face with them.