Pistol in my Pocket

In my younger days I grew outraged if anyone suggested I might have penis envy. "How patriarchal", I would exclaim, in my best "wimmin" voice. I am, after all, a product of the 80s. Twenty years down the line I might concede, if pushed, that I experience a liiiittle bit of penis curiosity from time to time. It's not that I don't love having a lady-garden but it would be nice to, you know, mix and match every once in a while.

I blame QX magazine. I remember reading an interview with Jackie Clune who said that touring with Puppetry of the Penis made her straight. It seems that weekly exposure to cock shots has had a similarly perverse effect on my fragile little mind. Scary thing is, there's now QX Men - pure porn editions - so I fear for where the future might lead me.

I confessed when I dragged up for the Vogue Ball that I found having a package kind of "interesting", and last night I revisited the theory. We were having a Pride (and Prejudice) night at VauxhallVille and Nathan, largely for his own pleasure I imagine, was encouraging us to make penis puppets.

I'm not one to sit on the sidelines so was first in the queue to assemble a member. One pop sock, a roll of foam packing and some nylon hair later, I was fully endowed with a semi-erect knob and a mound of pubes. I wore this pinned to the outside of my jeans with great pride.

After using it to force my way though the crowds - "Big cock coming through" - I soon forgot it was there and was worried I would leave it on later and find myself embarrassed on the top deck of the N2. Thankfully sanity was retained and I found it lurking next to my rain hat when I opened my bag this morning.

This has led me to think I should pursue this interest more fully. I don't like half measures so I'm thinking Tom of Finland. I want a full Tom uniform, complete with cap, and a great big dangling knob. I will still be wearing pearl eyeshadow and lipstick.

I might start with this outfit here, I plan to take the fetish world by storm.