Ho Ho NO!
I seem to keep thinking of ideas for feature articles just a bit too late to try and sell them. Rats!
My latest cunning plan is to devise a compendium for Christmas haters.
I think I'll make it a misanthropist's guide as we are vastly over looked in popular culture. It will list ways of coping with the oppressive saturation of festive nastiness, how to entertain yourself when you're denied the pub, shops, gym etc.
As the day draws closer it seems there are greater barriers drawn between me and the things I enjoy:
- Don't go out in the car, you'll be stuck in traffic.
- Don't go to the shops, you'll be stuck in queues.
- Don't go to the pub, you'll be surrounded by idiots.
- Don't get public transport cos the idiots will be chucking up everywhere.
Though I might have to start handing out awards for outstanding contributions to monotony if I have to listen to one more person discussing what they're having for lunch.
As tradition dictates, I will be spending the holidays with the door locked and a big stack of DVDs to watch. In fact, a quick straw poll at The Retro last night confirmed that the populist activity for the gays this year is to sit in and watch Golden Girls.
Of course, even that costs money so that leads me to my practical tip for the season - why buy DVDs when you can them rent online them for nowt? Sign up for a free trial at a rental store and you can have 3 films to watch for nothing. Sign up for two and you can have 6.
Hours of Christmas entertainment for an outlay of absolutely no pee! Hurrah! Just don't forget to cancel before the new year.
3 comments:
"My last cunning plan is to devise a compendium for Christmas haters"
Do it and make it into one of those mini stocking filler books - it'll be next years big seller alongside 'Schotts Cunty Miscellany' and 'Do Sparrows Fart?' or whatever it's called
G.
"I always enjoy sniggering at couples in the supermarket, totally losing it with their kids..."
Whilst that is abmittedly funny, such joy is usually shortlived when the little shits start running around in the supermarket being cunty nuisances and getting in your way.
I often believe King Herod had the right idea about kids and, indeed, if he'd had his way we wouldn't even be 'celebrating' the blessed holiday in the first place.
Just be thankful you're not getting lumbered into doing Christmas karaoke at work ("it'll be fun"; "no it'll be fucking painful"), unlike some of us... I've stated it's Kirsty or nothing for me, they know my demands, darling
Eek! I still get night sweats after being tricked into karaoke at Duckie. I had entered the quiz, they didn't tell me there was a karaoke round until it was too late.
I remember my mouth opening and closing, but no sound was coming out. In the end I gonged myself off and dashed for the safety of the back of the stage.
Nasty!
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