Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

One of my neighbours has taken to putting the execrable Unfaithful by Rihanna on loop and playing it up to 10 times in succession. What on earth would drive a person to such madness? I can only imagine she has just been dumped, all I can say is NO BLEEDIN' WONDER. If you're prepared to subject yourself to such indulgent wallowing, then God knows what you'd put anyone else through.

I say "she", I'm pretty sure only a young woman or a gay man would succumb to such diva-like behaviour, but I stand to be corrected.

I've never quite understood this need to hold a magnifying glass up to one's own pain and then expose it to the sun. When I broke off a relationship years ago, I heard my ex had taken to playing Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know. I think this was supposed to make me feel bad, instead it made me convulse with laughter and wonder why I hadn't made the break sooner. Yes, there's a reason why I'm resolutely single - I'm too much of a cunt for anyone to put up with.

I should add that the same relationship contained conversations such as this:

Me: "Ooh, Debbie Harry and the Jazz Passengers are on at Camden, will you come with me?"
Ex: *slightly pained look* "Yes, OK."

Two weeks later ...

Ex: "Ooh, Metallica are on at Milton Keynes, will you come with me?"
Me: "Will I fuck."

It's not that I haven't shed a few tears, an unrequited love situation once led me to put my entire Tindersticks collection in storage as the shortest exposure to their dulcet tones would have me howling like a new born. The point is, I wouldn't play them, I'd put on Tom Tom Club instead and la-la-la until the hurt stopped.

Conversely, when I later came to the shattering discovery that the object of my affection was nothing more than I mirage, somebody I had a projected an identity onto in order to fill a gap in my life, I chanced upon Nine Inch Nails' Only, an angry, aggressive tune that describes the situation perfectly. I gave that a few spins while on the cross-trainer at the gym - oh yes. I had thighs like rock for a while.

Maybe I have a stronger self-preservation instinct than some, but I can't see the point in sitting round crying, or much worse forcing your neighbours to do the same. I might suggest some retail therapy, or drop a copy of the Eurythmics' Revenge through the door.