Trafalgar Squares

I have just been alerted to a free Scissor Sisters concert in Trafalgar Square on 16 September. It seems Red Ken - “amusingly” renamed Pink Ken by the media - has pushed through licensing permission as he’s something of a fan.

The annoying thing is, tickets are available via a text message lottery, which leaves the doors open to any Tom, Dick or Harry. Even more worrying, so far the event’s only been publicised in The Sun. Call me elitist and a snob (better people have), but I really don’t wish to spend my time with the chattering classes and the poor.

Surely the occasion should only be open to groovy people, or at least those with a stylish phone. I like the doorman at Taboo who would hold up a mirror to undesirables and bark, “would you let you in here?” Standards need to be maintained.

One of my last outings to see Scissor Sisters was horrifically blighted by nincompoops. Clad entirely from the kitsch rack at Oxfam - and with the obligatory feather boa - the poor deluded insisted on doing the dance-walk as they paraded the auditorium to further express their *ahem* coolness. I could only look on and sigh.

But, of course, I'll be sending my text in, and woe betide if I don't get a place. I was there from the beginning, goddamnit ... if only they'd do a PA at The Cock again.