Acceptable in the 80s

Since I started at the wretched day job I have been bemoaning the lack of queer representation, so when somebody started an LGBT social group it seemed churlish not to attend. I admit I was nervous at the thought of a room full of council and public sector employees, I was anticipating an eyesore of tie-dye and people banging on about the unions. It turned out I needn’t have worried.

First I was met by the organiser, a real stately homo – grey hair, a mince worth of Mr Humphries and glasses perched on the top of his head. He entertained me with tales about when he was younger, like when he worked on Wardour Street and there was a club nearby called Crackers. He and his friend used to go there at lunchtime and dance in a cage, then return to work hot and sweaty and pretend they had been to the gym.

It was a curious mix of ladies in smart business suits, slightly camp men, a big fat poof, a radical dyke, me and my mate Robbie (who looked like he was on his way to The Hoist). There was only one time I had to bite my tongue – an older woman was talking about how she isn’t out at work and her boss makes homophobic comments. From the social worker types there was lots of sympathetic hand wringing and “oooh, is there someone you can talk to?,” while I just wanted to shout, “tell her to fuck off, you stupid bitch.”

So we discussed lots of worthy issues – what everyone wanted from the group, did we want a support network or an LGBT forum. At one point I recall offering to set up a Google group so we could share topics of interest. Then later it split into smaller groups for gossiping, experience sharing and, in the case of me and Robbie, BITCHING!

It seems completely antiquated, in this day and age, that we have to meet in secret and there is no council funding for queer groups. But we don’t even have an LGBT equality policy for the borough, and the council is busy devising its gender equality policy that doesn’t contain even the tiniest reference to trans.

Honestly, it’s like the land that time forgot.