Eek! A Tranny

Psst! They’re here! The San Francisco trannys. I’ve seen them! I’ve even touched three of them. I am unbelievably excited.

Actually, Heklina has been here all week – I met her last Saturday when she came to join me at Duckie. She wasn’t wearing a wig or a dress but I know she was just pretending, because obviously these people are normally in character ALL THE TIME. Even when they are going to the library. Or to bring in the milk.

I met Kiddie and Fauxnique last night at Trannyshack UK. The last time I met Kiddie I got a little bit over-excited and a whole pile of shit flew out my lips. I reasoned that this was a year ago and would surely have been forgotten. The first words out of his mouth? “Oh hi, I remember you from last time.” SHIT!!

The show was utterly fantastic – Heklina did a Dirty Sanchez song about a disastrous dinner party and Kiddie guested in impressively nasty male drag. Then Holy McGrail did Diana Ross with approximately a million hair pieces. Fauxnique did her fantastic acrobat routine to Madonna and in between there was some rather lack-lustre UK acts.

San Francisco queens have style, attitude and presence. UK ones just look like slappers from Croydon – all snatched-back blonde hairdos and eating disorders. Very disappointing.

Kiddie was the last up and did Prince’s Beautiful Ones - first appearing in a mask, then wanking himself into an ejaculation of white face paint that he smeared all over his body. By this point I was barking like a seal.

And so tomorrow, no TODAY, they hit Mister Sister, and I still can’t quite believe it’s happening. I’ve been despatched to find them an industrial size fan, and they’re the first act I’m giving the privilege of a rider. (This is the Vauxhall Tavern, not Hollywood!)

Don’t forgot to get your bleedin arses down there. Any resistance and I’ll cut ya.

Cool Trannyshack pics on Matthew Brindle's site.