Smile Police

This rant has been brewing for a long time, and now I am going to unleash it. I am SICK AND TIRED of the Smile Fascists.

Ever feel the need to say “cheer up” or tell someone to “give us a smile”? Well HAVE A LOOK IN A MIRROR FIRST, dickhead, because the chances are you have a PIG FACE.

Last week I was talking to an acquaintance, someone I had previously liked, when suddenly she decided to round on a friend of ours. “Ooh, isn’t he miserable? You hardly ever see him smile,” she commented. “I mean, I’ve spoken to him about it and he said that’s just how his face is, but he must be very unhappy.”

Pretty sweeping assumption to make just because you don’t like someone’s facial expression, particularly when it’s coming from someone who could only be kindly referred to as PLAIN.

How DARE you decide you’re going to “speak to him about it”?! What if the serious people rounded on you, dear? “Ooh, aren’t you drab? Don’t ever want to dress yourself up a bit? That sallow skin and that rubbish hairdo, you must be ever so disappointed.”

Do you like the taste of your own medicine? Hmm? What was that? No? I didn’t think so.

Have you never thought of trying to be INTERESTING? If you want to see somebody smile ENTERTAIN THEM, don’t just demand that we respond to you. Aside from the intrusion on our composed personalities, all that grinning makes you look like a retard.