Good Grief!

I love living in Crystal Palace, I really do. We uphold old-fashioned values here - we only have trains that travel over ground, not through new-fangled tunnels - and some of the shops close on a Wednesday afternoon.

I'm not sure quite what's happening on the tiny high street I call home, though. We currently have an off licence with no drink and a garage with no petrol!

If that wasn't bad enough, I couple of gangly teenagers have taken to billing and cooing on the front step of my building. They've been there for an hour and a half! I might turn the hose on them later.