Cripes - it's Lauren!

I confess, I’m not above enjoying a bit of mockery from time to time and, as you’ll be aware if you know me, Lauren Harries has been my favoured object of derision for about a decade. I don’t think I ever imagined I’d actually come face to face with her but last night, at David Hoyle’s show, I even shook her hand!

I’d been giddy with anticipation all day and, I have to say, she didn’t disappoint. Staggering out on stage as pissed as a fart she swayed precariously on top of the stool that had been provided. I know I’m not the only one who kind of wished she would topple off.

She rambled on like a thing possessed - repeating herself, not listening to a word anyone else was saying and behaving exactly like the Lauren we know and love. Go here to watch a short video - it doesn’t make much sense out of context, but at the same time it sums up the appearance *exactly*.

David had wanted to give her a space to express herself and dispel the mad person myth. But, as the old saying goes, he gave her enough rope and she hung herself.

She’s spent so much of her life fighting that it seems she doesn’t know how not to. From the moment she took the microphone she was challenging – David, the audience, the voices in her head. We were all the enemy.

It was hilarious to watch … for a little while. Then she became so detached she was incoherent. Despite silencing her microphone to try and calm her she became more and more hysterical and the interview was terminated. We were becoming chillingly aware how damaged by life she is.

She was given a second chance to come back and redeem herself and she had realised by this point she was blowing it.

As she became a little calmer, David asked for questions from the audience, so I brought up the subject of her webcam. “After the Keith Allen documentary you said you were upset that your family were portrayed as freaks and they are built up as being freaks by the media. But now people can go to your website and, for £5.99 a month, they can subscribe to a web cam giving them 24 hour access to watch you and your family in your home. Don’t you think that’s living up to that freak scenario and building on what you say you want to get away from?”

Her answer was predictable but understandable, if people are so interested in their lifestyle why shouldn’t they make money from it? But sadly her response fell apart when she just led into a rant about Keith Allen being an idiot.

Some other people gave her advice about moving away from her hometown, breaking ties with her controlling family and making a life of her own. She struggled against it, squirming like a child. It seemed she was uncomfortable with someone outside the comfort zone of her family actually caring. Can it really be true she has no friends?

I’m not saying I won’t laugh at her again when I see her interviewed, but in the future there’ll be a little less glee behind my eyes.

Lauren Harries dressing up game.