Women and Issues

Last night David Hoyle discussed The Women’s Issue, complete with a fake suffragette chained to the railings outside the RVT. Elviskate and I decided to would have been more fun if he’d talked about having an issue with women, as so many of them get on our tits on a daily basis.

In his opening patter, David asked why so many young women today don’t even know about the suffragettes. Speaking personally, I don’t pay too much attention as I’m not interested in viewing my life as a “struggle”. If the feminist movement as a whole would stop being so fixated on being victims then they’d probably achieve their liberation a lot quicker.

Yes, I’m grateful to those who went before who fought for equality for people who share my body shape, but I can’t change history and I’m more interested in looking forwards, not back. Also I don’t regard myself as “a woman” so I’m not going to bog myself down with female “issues” just because I have breasts and a vagina.

I feel like an alien around most women. I was with a group of cool ones the other evening but inadvertently interrupted them in the midst of an excited conversation about frilly dresses and quickly remembered why straight girls freak me out.

I live in morbid fear of women’s toilets, standing in a queue listening to endless prattle and watching them fiddle about with their hair. Anyone who’s wondering why women always take their friends to the toilet, I can tell you – so they can talk even more bollocks than they do normally.

I often wonder how many women actually want equality because I still see them all the time, hiding behind men to avoid confrontation or getting men to sort their problems out cos they're “too scared”. Go sisters.

I remember in a previous job being pulled aside and asked if I thought my employers gave me enough “emotional support as a woman”. I just about ran out of there and vomited. I simply cannot stand these weepy bitches.

The question of whether I’m a feminist always gives me problems as I’m never too sure how to answer. If not a feminist, then what? A patriarch? I hardly think so. The straight world is based upon the “battle of the sexes” and only recognises two genders, though it’s becoming increasingly clear that’s not enough.

I suppose I could solve this conundrum by spending my time campaigning for a third gender - fighting like a suffragette for gender queer recognition. If I was more dedicated to the cause then I would do, but I’ve spent my life just ignoring the people who tell me how I “should be” and now it’s become a habit. I’ve lost my fighting spirit.