Tits On Fire!

I saw a fantastic act at Duckie last night. Anyone who's been there will know that the acts can be funny, amazing or absolutely fucking dire.

Anyway, I had high hopes for last night as Ursula Martinez was appearing and she's usually pretty cool. Her first short act involved her walking on stage naked and crying along to a soundtrack of Shirley Bassey's "I (Who Have Nothing)". I wasn't too keen on that bit - and have always preferred Sylvester's version of the song - but her second act was legendary ...

She came on stage wearing a beautiful fur coat and hat. She lit a cigarette and prowled the stage. The hat and coat were then removed to reveal a weird looking bikini.

She took the cigarette and stubbed it out on one nipple ... a huge ball of flame shot out. She did the same to the other...

Then, looking a little nervous, she set fire to her bikini pants, a *huge* flame flew up that must have burned her belly!

Her cigarette was now extinguished so what should she do? She reached between her legs and pulled out another. Savouring its aroma she lit it, walked across stage, winked at the audience and left. Classic!